Hellbent for Lent

I am not a religious person. However, I am embracing the Lenten tradition and giving something up until Easter. I do love the idea of giving up something for just 40 days. It sounds a lot more doable than a new year’s resolution, where I’d have to give up something for a whole year.  

I am jumping on the Lent bandwagon. I get to be the one guy who can give something up without having to get my forehead dirty on Ash Wednesday.  

It’s more of an exercise in discipline. It doesn’t have permanent ramifications. Forty days is more of a long form improvisation than a radical lifestyle change.

It was tough to decide what item I was willing to part with for the allotted Lenten season. Originally I thought that I could throw a blanket over my television, but it seemed too unrealistic. Though I am going to trim my viewing habits to two nights a week. I’m just not ready to go cold turkey on the boob tube.

I don’t smoke or drink coffee. I am a pescatarian; therefore, I don’t have to give up eating meat on Fridays. Though, I believe the Catholics have arbitrarily decided that’s OK now.

I have decided on giving up chocolate. I am not a raging chocoholic, however, I’ve broken into a bag of Dove milk chocolate Promises two weeks ago and I’ve been consuming one Promise a night. Originally, I put them out for "company." I am the only company the chocolates are keeping. This particular bag of chocolates has a sort of feminine fortune cookie saying inside the wrapper. The chocolates tell me to “Go shoe shopping!” or “Dance like no one is watching!” Um. I only buy shoes when I wear a hole in my sneakers, and as a white guy…I always dance like no one is watching.

So, I'm making a chocolate promise to stop eating chocolate Promises.

Giving up chocolate is going to be difficult, especially since all my favorite chocolate comes around only at Easter time. I love Cadbury caramel eggs (egg-shaped shells filled with rich, gooey caramel) and Cadbury Robin Eggs (a milk chocolate orb with a pastel candy coating).

I am even giving up my Healthy Choice chocolate fudge bars. Even though they are 100 calories a piece, they fall into the chocolate milieu. So they are off limits.

This isn’t going to be an easy 40 days. Of course, if it were easy, it wouldn’t be worth doing.

If I gave up say ‘sex with supermodels’ it wouldn’t make much of a difference in my life. Of course, Murphy’s Law dictates that I would meet one if I decided to make that particular Lenten sacrifice.

I don’t want to be a slave to sugar anymore. I don’t want to be chocolate’s bitch. My commitment hasn’t even started and I’m already looking for loopholes. Maybe I can break my chocolate fast on Sundays? I’ve heard of a few Catholics that do that. No. I will be strong.

I may not be a religious man, but I think the whole reason people give something up is so they can pray for strength. God, I’m going to need it.