Teen Dating Violence and Why I Care

     February was Teen Dating Violence Awareness Month, but such an important issue should be relevant throughout the year.  It has been repeatedly proven that 1 in 3 dating relationships of teens and adults involves abuse.  This number has remained consistent for years, and it is predicted this number is but a small fraction of reported abuse.

Why Do I care?

  Because I've lived through abuse.  In all its forms.  My past still sends chills to my soul but I'm healing with the help of the amazing support of family and friends. 
   Abuse changed me.  The change was slow.  Over many years. And it took a few years for me to accept the events of my past for what they were. 
   I was depressed, had negative self-worth, nearly failed out of school, and wanted nothing more than for my life to end.  I had lived with my abuse in hiding, denial, and felt hopeless.  I still maintained a life, but not a happy one. I had to rediscover myself.  I had fallen to the bottom of a pit.  But I believe I needed to fall to the bottom so I could root myself into the earth and grow stronger.

 I identify with a Lotus.  Out of the murky mud flourishes a beautiful flower.

 Now, having sought help at the Pittsburgh Women's shelter, completing years of therapy, and continuing to get help, I want to be a voice of hope for others.  I want teens to know how to get out, get help, and find their healing.

Why should you care?

Parents-- It has been reported by the Women's Shelter of Pittsburgh that  81% of parents either don't think dating violence is an issue, or they respond they don't know if it is an issue.
  I urge parents to please read further information regarding teen dating violence from the links below, so you may have all the necessary information if you would ever have to intervene, to maybe, save your son or daughters life.  Saving their life may be taken literally, but you may also save someone from suffering from a life long depression, anxiety, and negative self-worth.

 Every parent wants the best for their child; to grow up happy and successful.  Knowing the signs of what to look for may prevent an abusive relationship from further developing.  Make a point to have regular conversations with your teens about dating, who they are dating or hanging out with.  Know that the abuse may be coming from both sides- male or female. Having all the information necessary is important so you know how to handle the situation and get your teen the help he or she may need.

Many may either live in denial of their abuse, or because of the manipulative patterned behavior of a partner, a person may be unaware abuse is even occurring. Abuse can be brainwashing and this makes it hard for the abused to reach for help, and why its so important for more people to know the signs so they can reach out to abused teens.

Abuse can be hard to identify also because the abuser can very easily manipulate a situation and put on the face required for any situation.  Abusers are also people. People who need help just as much as the abused. He/She may act cordial in public but send threatening texts. They may desire control of their partners life, and it may be seen as the abuser tends to slowly pull their partner away from family, friends, clubs, or activities. 

Here are some personal tips for parents to help identify potential abuse:

1) Has your teen experienced a drop in grades? Or start to have new difficulty in performance in their club, sport, activities?
  A teen may experience anxiety from their abuse.  This anxiety may then translate
into his/her test taking, or performance of any kind.

2) Does your teen tend to shy away from compliments, praise, or approval?
       When a person receives constant negative verbal abuse from their partner, he/she may begin to have a drop in their self-esteem.  This then translates into feeling uncomfortable  when receiving positive remarks from others.  It may make them feel awkward, or they may be in complete denial that such a positive remark could be true because of their negative self-worth.

3) Has your teen experienced personality changes? -one main example being increase in anger and frustration.  This may cause the teen to lash out more than usual, snap back more, or just seem edgy.
  My family recognized a drastic change in my personality when I moved home.  My brother approached me about my changes, and I responded with anger and hate.  But through his persistence and love, I got the help I needed.  After finally telling my parents about my abuse, they admitted they had known something was different about me, and were so thankful that I finally opened up to them.  Looking back, I can see times

4.) Does your teen seem bothered by social media?
       Do not underestimate what may be going on in the walls of facebook posts, tweets, etc.  People are much more likely to post negative comments about others sitting from behind a computer screen.  Social media is just one more avenue for a teen or adult for that matter, to compare themselves to others, resulting in negative self-worth, and this can ultimately lead to severe depression.  It is also another way an abuser may keep control of their partner.  Always having a way to keep an eye on them. 

Please, know that abuse is happening whether you believe it to be an issue or not.  The more informed you are, the better equipped you can be for the future.

For more information you can access information from the Women's Center and  Shelter of Greater Pittsburgh website at http://www.wcspittsburgh.org/
Another great website is the following:
http://www.breakthecycle.org/what-is-dating-violence

Thank you for reading.  I pray we can all stand proudly of our past to work towards a better future.
If you would have additional questions or concerns,
please feel free to e-mail me at am.masilunas@gmail.com
Annie Masilunas